Cinderella walked on broken glass
August 30th, 2010 (08:00 am)“Cinderella walked on broken glass. Sleeping Beauty let a lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a beast. Jasmine chose a poor man. Ariel spent her adult life on land. We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”
This quote was posted by my facebook friend this afternoon. It really struck chord with me and I wanted to share with you my thoughts on this whole concept of looking for perfection in your relationship versus being grateful and loving the person in your life even though they may not be the perfect shape, or the best looking, or even rich.
One of my favorite movies is Forest Gump. To me it is a great love story about a simple man who loved a girl named Jenny. His love for her was pure and unconditional, but it took the entire three hour movie for Jenny to realize how important that was to her. In the end of the movie, Jenny married Forest because she looked at an imperfect person like Forest…perfectly! She realized what was most important to her was the unconditional love, protection and support that she received from Forest. It took her years of her adult life to realize that because all she saw in forest was imperfection.
In your relationship are you focusing on all the imperfections or are you focusing on all the internal blessings they give you? Many of us in the beginning of our relationship love everything about the person you are dating. Over time, you take those things for granted and start focusing on the annoying things and the imperfections. By doing that you change the way psychologically and physiologically you act towards that person. I have heard people tell me after many months or even years with another person that they “love” their significant other, but are NOT necessarily “in love” with them. Why is that?
I think over time we tend to get comfortable in our relationships. We tend to slip into coast mode and that is where the problems begin. This is where you start thinking to yourself, “Maybe the grass is greener on the other side?” Maybe you start to get annoyed easier with the stupid things that you thought were silly and funny early in your relationship? Sometimes we think that just because we have been in a relationship for 6 months, or married for 2 years or even 10 years that we don’t think we have to keep reminding ourselves and focusing on all the reasons why we fell in love with that person in the first place. We stop looking at them perfectly!
So your significant other may be a little chunky. They may not be very athletic. They may drink a lot and have a thinning hair line. They may not be good in bed or even forget to put the toilet seat down. It is easy to focus all those imperfect things and even easier to look elsewhere. Try to make a point of focusing on what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Start focusing on how much they love you and how they make you feel when you are with them. Start thinking about what it takes to receive love and affection….the answer is to give love and affection in the most perfect way you know how.
You have the power to choose what you focus on in your relationship. Choose to see your imperfect person in a perfect light. You may not be perfect yourself. You may even be a little crazy sometimes, but if you were loved like Forest Gump loved his Jenny, I am guessing all those imperfections would become your own perfect fairytale.
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The Next Generation
August 7th, 2010 (08:00 am)Growing up I wasn’t much of a Star Trek fan. In college, my roommates constantly watched “The Next Generation” of Star Trek with Patrick Stewart. I had the pleasure of seeing Patrick Stewart doing a one-man show on Broadway many years ago. He played all the characters in the one-man performance of Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carole. It was quite an amazing performance and after that I was much more of a “Next Generation” fan.
I am always amazed at how actors can play a character in a movie so well that they get lost in their performance. What amazed me about Patrick Stewart’s performance, like Eddie Murphy’s performance in the movie, “Coming to America” is that they both played a handful of characters in the same movie or performance. Each character was just as believable yet they were each played by the same people.
Just how do people play so many rolls and make them believable to their audience? How do actors train for several rolls and not become schizophrenic? If you think about it, we all play several roles each day. We have to perform for our boss, our kids, our spouse or significant other and even our in-laws. We try to put on a “happy face” so people don’t know how sad you are. We try to “fake it until you make it” to show people that you are better then you are until you actually accomplish something. Maybe you stay married because it is the right thing to do so you just perform day after day hoping something or someone will come along and change your life?
Imagine you were given a script for your Oscar Winning Performance. This role was your best and only role you would ever perform and it was just given to you. Your hand starts to shake as you start to read through the script. You soon realize that it is finally the role that you have been waiting for and one that you must play perfectly. The script is titled, “The Rest of your life.” This script gives you all the tools to play a character that gets to erase everything that has happened in the past and to get a clean slate on life. In order to make your performance Oscar worthy, you have to follow the script exactly.
You have to be grateful everyday for the people who help you and for the great things that are about to happen. You have to forgive yourself and others for your past. You have to take action everyday towards your goals and surround yourself with only people that love you and can help move you forward in your life. You need to quiet your mind everyday to pray, meditate and breathe. Finally, you have to give your gift to other people in some way to help move them forward.
Now that you have been presented with your script all you have to do is memorize it and play the part like is was tailor made for you to perform in front of everyone. This is your one-man play and you are the star! Then you can explore a new universe where you have never gone before.
LIVE LONG….AND PROSPER!
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Step into the light!
August 2nd, 2010 (08:00 am)The decisions that you make in your life
Is the reflection that you see in your light.
So there you are, working for years for a job where you give everything you have. You stay late, you step up when you need to step up and you do everything you can to get recognized by your superiors. Week after week it seems like you are the one putting forth all the effort. All you ask for is just a little appreciation, respect and maybe a raise every year. If you are in sales, you may have heard the memo’s that after all the work you have done this year the company is cutting commissions to stay competitive. Why do we stay at jobs like this?
Do we stay because we are comfortable? Do we stay because we have no other options? Maybe we stay because we have been with the company for so many years that the thought of doing something else scares you more than the pain you feel of going to a job where you are not appreciated for your efforts. Maybe you like being around so many people who are negative and all they do is complain about their job, the boss, their family life and their kids? Have you ever came back from work so emotionally exhausted and you realize that it is not from all the physical labor behind your desk, but it is because you are surrounded with all negative people all day.
This is the trance that many of you face day after day and year after year. For what? A paycheck? A pension? We have all seen that there is NO such thing as job security anymore. Have you ever asked yourself, “Why?” The only think stopping you from going in a different direction, following your passion…if you have one and taking a risk is YOU! There is nothing worse in this short life then being irrelevant! There is nothing worse in life than not being happy and ecstatic about life and about the relationships that you have with other people.
This is a different world then when our parents were our age! The world, technology, trends, business opportunities and change happens so fast that if you blink it will pass you by. I am asking you to finally take a leap of faith. I am asking you that if you are NOT happy in your job or in your relationship or with your weight or with your present lifestyle, I am asking you to look in the mirror. Ask yourself out loud, “What is the next chapter in my life?”
Then ask yourself out loud, “What do I have to do today, this week and this month to chart my new course?”
If not now……when? If not you…..who? Be relevant to yourself. Be relevant to your family. Be relevant to every relationship you have. You can do it! The only thing you can control is your attitude and your actions! Let your attitude guide your actions to seek out a new direction. If you fail……good! You have succeeded in creating an outcome….Now try again! Have faith, have energy to believe that there is more to life then what you are doing now!
So if there is something in your life ya don’t like
You have the power to change your life…….
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The power of re-inventing yourself
July 27th, 2010 (08:00 am)Have you ever hear of a marriage in the media or even with people you know where they get divorced and the woman completely re-invents herself? After the breakup, the woman cuts and colors her hair, starts working out, actually paints her nails and even starts coming out of her shell. I have spoke with several of my guy friends who actually experienced this. It made them so frustrated because all their woman had to do was to reinvent themselves before their breakup and they never would have broken up. Some would argue that the woman needed that break up to invent themselves, so it is a catch-22.
If you look at some of the major Fortune 500 companies today, the majority of them got to where they are from constantly re-inventing themselves. They had no choice as they had thousands of stockholders who want their dividend. As a stockholder, I want the company I invest in to always be in the cutting-edge and to be relevant in their respective industry. Once a company becomes irrelevant, they become no longer attractive to their shareholders. In other words, the stockholders divorce from the company and go invest in another company that excites them.
If you had $10,000 to invest in a relationship wouldn’t you want the same characteristics as if you were investing in a Fortune 500 company? Wouldn’t you want to invest in a relationship that is reinventing itself to stay relevant to each other? Wouldn’t you invest your $10,000 in a relationship, like a company who would have a high probability of a significant return of your investment? So how do you increase your odds of a high return on your emotional investment?
I spent two chapters about this exact topic in my book, “The Five Secrets from Oz.” (www.thefivesecretsfromoz.com) Here are just some of the things that we can do for all of those who are in a relationship. First of all, you always need to have your emotional barometer out. This barometer will have you ask yourself three questions. First, “am I telling my partner that I love them consistently?” Second is, “Are my actions constant with demonstrating to my partner that they are loved?” The third question you need to ask yourself if you want to increase the probability of making your relationship relevant and worth that $10,000 investment is, “am I doing the little things everyday to show my partner that they are loved?’
The final thing you can do to re-invent yourself and your relationship is to each have an identity. Have activities that you can do on your own that makes you feel good about yourself and gives you a sense of purpose. Then find something that you can do together like: a small business, tennis, golf, gardening ect.. This will help you to feel good as a couple so that you can help each other move forward. Now the trick to this is every three years, do something completely different that challenges you as an individual and as a couple. This will take a little brainstorming, but it will pay huge dividends in the future. Now that is something to invest in!
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Someone is looking out for us
July 20th, 2010 (01:00 am)Imagine that you have to fly somewhere for a very important business meeting. This is the kind of meeting that you know with absolute certainty will change your life. The only problem is that you just paid all your bills and you have all of $150 in your checking account. You had to wait until you got paid the Friday before your meeting so it was going to be a last minute flight. The day you get paid, (which by the way was far less then what you expected) you try your hardest to book a ticket, but all of the last minute tickets are over $500. You know you have to go to this meeting and the idea of driving half way around the country is something that had crossed your mind, but frankly it scares you. Partly because you can’t drive more than four hours without falling asleep and the other reason is that speeding tickets attract you like the plague.
Now you are driving around doing a variety of errands and you realize that you have no gas in your car. So you pump a little gas with the money you have left in your wallet before you get paid again in five days when a mysterious call rings on your cell phone. You answer it and it is a woman that you have not spoken with in six years. She used to be a part of your networking group many years ago and a former customer of your insurance agency. She called you because she was looking for an insurance question and thought that you might lead her in the right direction. So, after a few pleasantries, you ask her what she is doing now. She had mentioned to you that she sold her accounting practice and working part-time for a local airline doing customer service. After telling her about your plane ticket dilemma and about your up-coming cross-country drive, you finish your conversation and promise to get together to catch up over coffee sometime.
Ten minutes later your cell phone rings just you are dropping you daughter off at one of her summer camps for the afternoon and it is the same woman you just spoke with just ten minutes ago. She asks you what time exactly you needed to be in Atlanta and you tell her between 10am-12pm. She says to you, “How about 11:07am?” After a little confusion as to what she was talking about she told you that she had just started with a new airline and one of the perks is that she has 15 buddy passes to use each year. Since it was her first time booking a ticket using her employee intranet, that she wanted to try her first one on you to see if it worked. She then went on to tell you that the ticket (last minute) would be $59 one way and total of $118 round trip using her buddy ticket.
In a state of euphoria, you give her your credit card number and book the ticket. How is this possible? How can you go from a state of panic that you would have to drive across the country to attend a critical business meeting because you can’t afford a last minute plane ticket, to a freak conversation with a person whom you have not spoken with for six years who just happens have just started work for a local airline? Then she calls you back after your initial conversation to offer you one of her buddy tickets for a price that would be impossible for anyone to get who does not work for an airline. Within 15 minutes you can now go to your meeting and still have enough to take a friend out to lunch.
I tell you this because it is a true story. Sometimes in life, angels are looking out for you. You always have to believe and have faith that everything will work out. It doesn’t always work out in your favor, but you have to keep believing. Eventually, someone will listen and put people in your life to move you forward. This is just one amazing example of how the right people are put into your life at the right time to help you. I don’t believe in luck. I think people make their own luck. In this case, however, maybe I should buy a lottery ticket!
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Happy Birthday America!
July 4th, 2010 (08:00 am)Independence Day is the national holiday of the United States of America commemorating the signing of the Declaration of Independence by the Continental Congress on July 4, 1776, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
At the time of the signing the US consisted of 13 colonies under the rule of England’s King George III. There was growing unrest in the colonies concerning the taxes that had to be paid to England. This was commonly referred to as “Taxation without Representation” as the colonists did not have any representation in the English Parliament and had no say in what went on. As the unrest grew in the colonies, King George sent extra troops to help control any rebellion. In 1774 the 13 colonies sent delegates to Philadelphia Pennsylvania to form the First Continental Congress. The delegates were unhappy with England, but were not yet ready to declare war.
In April 1775 as the King’s troops advanced on Concord Massachusetts Paul Revere would sound the alarm that “The British are coming, the British are coming” as he rode his horse through the late night streets.
The battle of Concord and its “shot heard round the world” would mark the unofficial beginning of the colonies war for Independence.
The following May, the colonies again sent delegates to the Second Continental Congress. For almost a year the congress tried to work out its differences with England, again without formally declaring war.
By June 1776 their efforts had become hopeless and a committee was formed to compose a formal declaration of independence. Headed by Thomas Jefferson, the committee included John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Robert R. Livingston and Roger Sherman. Thomas Jefferson was chosen to write the first draft which was presented to the congress on June 28. After various changes a vote was taken late in the afternoon of July 4th. Of the 13 colonies, 9 voted in favor of the Declaration, 2 – Pennsylvania and South Carolina voted No, Delaware undecided and New York abstained.
To make it official John Hancock, President of the Continental Congress, signed the Declaration of Independence. It is said that John Hancock signed his name “with a great flourish” so “King George can read that without spectacles!.”
The following day copies of the Declaration were distributed. The first newspaper to print the Declaration was the Pennsylvania Evening Post on July 6, 1776. On July 8th the Declaration had its first public reading in Philadelphia’s Independence Square. Twice that day the Declaration was read to cheering crowds and pealing church bells. Even the bell in Independence Hall was rung. The “Province Bell” would later be renamed “Liberty Bell” after its inscription -
Proclaim Liberty Throughout All the Land Unto All the Inhabitants Thereof
And although the signing of the Declaration was not completed until August, the 4th of July has been accepted as the official anniversary of United States independence. The first Independence Day celebration took place the following year – July 4 1777. By the early 1800s the traditions of parades, picnics, and fireworks were established as the way to celebrate America’s birthday. And although fireworks have been banned in most places because of their danger, most towns and cities usually have big firework displays for all to see and enjoy.
I hope you all have a great 4th of July weekend. Maybe there is something or someone in your life that you need to get your independence from? Maybe it is time for you to have, “The shot heard round the world” in your life? You deserve to celebrate. Tomorrow is a new day…a day of YOUR independence.
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Depression & Suicide
February 5th, 2010 (09:55 am)People suffer from depression now more than ever before. It seems hard to imagine as today we have the most advance medicine, the greatest technology and there are more millionaires now than ever before in history. Next to heart medication and the birth control pill, depression medication is the most prescribed medication in the country.
So how do we begin to get our life back? How do we begin to release the past, STOP blaming ourselves for our past transgressions and begin to move forward in our lives? The first step is finding the passion inside you. Let your passion be your moving force to get you off your medication. Then you have to look at your environment. Is it holding you back or moving your forward? Next, look at the food and drink you are putting into your body. Remember what you put in, you get out. Stop smoking and drinking all together as that just makes depression magnified. Finally, get out there and exercise. Visit with a personal trainer to get you on a program where you can get your body and energy back. Drink a half gallon of water every day for a week to flush your system and start controlling you again. Then stop watching television for 30 days unless it is funny or empowering.
Finally, read and listen to nothing but empowering personal development information and get involved in a community that is full of powerful and positive people who can help to lift you out of the darkness. Remember, take ACTION every day toward you goals, Quite Your Mind everyday to visualize the person you want to be OFF of your meds, Forgive your past and release your inner demons that haunt you every day, start to give your gift and start healing others and then be grateful everyday for the fact that you just got to press the RESET button.
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Obesity
February 1st, 2010 (09:59 am)Can anyone guess what the most popular New Year’s resolution is? That’s right, “I want to lose more weight.” What about this oldie, but goodie, “I will go on a diet starting January 1.” You know you said that at least once in your life if not every day!” So what’s the problem? Well, I will tell you.
We are a society of instant gratification. We don’t want to work for anything anymore. It takes 21 consecutive days to break a habit or to create a new one. It is so hard for people in this country to do anything for 21 days, much less something hard and different. I actually asked a personal trainer about the number of people who sign up for a gym membership, go for a week or so and then they are never seen again. He said it was over 50%. On top of that, we eat too much volume. Have you noticed that there is an “all you can eat” buffet in every town? Have you also noticed that there is more processed food now than ever before? The next time you look at the coupon section of a Sunday paper, you will notice that all the coupons are for the processed or sugar food. So now we are getting incentives to buy that stuff.
Ok, so now what? Well I am all about solutions, or at least an action plan to follow until you find one that fits you. In chapter 9 in my book, “The Five Secrets from Oz” I spend almost 50 pages on the weight issue. But for now, let me condense it for you.
1. You need to FORGIVE and release yourself from your weight and the way you look at yourself in the mirror. Take ACTION daily by changing your associations to food. Your meals need to be properly metabolized, not inhaled. Portion control is key. See a nutritionist to create a game plan, as you need help to re-learn how to shop and how to cook. You need to eliminate all soda and coffee from your life. I know..I know…”It will kill you” or “I can’t give up my coffee in the morning” I have heard them all. You need to drink ½ gallon of water every day to flush your system. You can add some lemon in it so it has some taste to it. This alone will give you a huge start. Then you need to see a personal trainer because you cannot do this by yourself, no offense, but if you could get to your optimal weight by yourself, you would have already done so.
2. You need to enjoy eating again, buy a juicer and throw all kinds of fruit and veggies in there. To make is taste better, put your fresh juice in a blender and add some frozen fruit and vanilla yogurt or low fat ice cream and make a smoothie.
3. You need to work out 6 times per week and get your heart rate up. You can discuss this with your trainer. Working out and diet are key, but you need to fit what is between your ears first. My book, “The Five Secrets from Oz” can help you there.
4. Start GIVING your GIFT by help others to reach their weight goal.
For Pete’s sake, stop saying you are going to lose weight. How many professional athletes prepare for a game by focusing on losing? None! So instead of focusing on “losing weight” which is counter intuitive, focus on your ideal weight and visualize yourself everyday at that weight.
For more information about the weight issue and many other “secrets” please read my inspiring novel, “The Five Secrets from Oz” now on Amazon.com or please visit my website at: www.thefivesecretsfromoz.com
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